Good Vibes Book Club

Good Vibes: Think Win-Win

The Golden rule is ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you’ and Edwin Markha says ‘We have committed the Golden Rule to memory, let us commit it to life’.

In this platform, we discuss a motivational book a week and this week we are discussing the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen Covey. In this session we discuss the 4th habit: Think Win-Win.

Wait? win-win?.. When there is a winner, shouldn’t there also be a loser? Well, not necessarily…

Because we all ultimately want something, this habit explores how we can actively search for the core of what we want and thereby search for alternatives which will best cater for what we actually want. It may take longer to get this but through honesty, we can more accurately address our core interests.

in this section we learn of 6 paradigms of human interactions namely:

Win-win; win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose, win and win or no deal. Let’s look at each in summary.

Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. It means that agreements are mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying. It believes in a better way for all.

Win-lose on the other hand implies that if I win, you should lose. Your weakness is my strength; your failure is my success; your No is my Yes. In this paradigm, someone must lose when someone wins. Evidently, this is all about who is more powerful, more strategic and who carries more fame, status, credentials and sometimes even who is more cunning and skilled in trickery.

Excluding competitive activities, most results you want depend on cooperation between you and others and the win-lose mentality is dysfunctional to such cooperation.

Lose-win is normally practised by people who want to ‘keep the peace’. It is worse than win-lose as it has no standards, no expectations, no demands and is aimed at seeking results sooner without carefully looking at alternatives. It is seen as giving in or giving up. It is playing ‘nice’ even though you stand to lose out.

This mentally is self-sabotaging as it leaves one with guilt of being robbed.

Lose-lose occurs when two win-lose minded people interact and still maintain the paradigm that winning means someone has to lose and the loser must be the other party. These people are normally egotistic, stubborn and believe that their way is the right and only way always. These people are blinded to the fact that though they intend murder, their actions are more suicidal. When they shoot down the other party, they are blinded to how they ultimately are shooting themselves. They console themselves with thinking that ‘if nobody wins, then losing isn’t so bad’.

Win minded people simply think Win! They don’t necessarily want someone else to lose, to them that’s irrelevant. They work towards getting what they want and will leave it to the other party to also secure their own needs.

The best alternative out of these 5 basically depends on the situation, on what is at stake and other alternatives. Also, the type of person dealing and being dealt with.

In the long run, however, if it isn’t a win for all parties concerned, then all parties ultimately stand to lose. That’s why win-win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.

The 6th option is what we call win-win or no deal. This is a mentality that is willing to put the necessary patience in seeking alternatives and hearing the point of view of others and carefully considering their point of views and, further, seeking to find middle-ground. This 6th option doesn’t stop at win-win, instead it introduces the option of not making any deal. As such, this option is not desperate for results but is principled in ensuring that all parties benefit for long term. This option also depends on the situation but is very beneficial when implemented.

So what does thinking win-win involve?

It involves the character of one who has personal integrity. In other words, it works best when the people seeking for win-win all believe in themselves, are truthful, honest and realistic in their interests. Such people need to also be able to keep to their word and have a healthy balance between expressing themselves with courage and being considerate of interests of others. The people in such an interaction should have an abundance mentality and believe that there is plenty out there for everybody. The abundance mentality flows from a deep inner sense of personal worth and security.

Lastly, Win-win is centered on building long-term relationships with the people interacted with. It is not so much on what we negotiate on but on how we can even build trust and empower each other so in future we would engage together again. Beyond interacting in future, we would also recommend to our inner circles. This works best as we ultimately are designed to work together.

So, go ahead and practice this habit with your next interaction.

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  • Reply
    November 10, 2019 at 9:11 pm

    Try getting dumped for being too nice, that will change your mind about your nicely written, positive article. I agree with you. Although in general you win much more by being nice and positive and most people really need to learn to be better listeners and positive, being positive or nice 100% is not always advantageous. Although she slightly pointed that out in the article, it was not enough. I suppose people need so much more to learn to be positive and better listeners that the focus of the article had to be on that. But yes, it is a good practice to always think on how people perceive you and make adjustments accordingly.

    • Reply
      January 29, 2020 at 2:15 pm

      That’s true

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